// My process of Love//

Maybe sharing this will help someone else out..

Anyone who knows me.. and I mean really knows me.. will say that I’m a chill person with a laid back personality who people just like to be around.. These people who really know me are my friends and there are those who can agree who might have just met me once.. Anyone of my ex’s except the one I had a falling out with can honestly say “Jasmine is a really sweet person, she was nothing but good to me, and did anything she could to keep me happy” … Now guys.. I have A LOT to give. I am also human.. (You’re human??!??) Yes I’m fucking human..(I know being human sucks) When someone I love decides to give up on me and I didn’t give up on them.. Especially when my heart is involved because not only are you playing around with me.. You’re also playing around with my heart.. Something that I don’t offer everyone, something that I don’t share with everyone, and the most valuable thing I can offer you…

When I’m put in a situation I’m unfamiliar with.. I panic.. I become nervous.. I become nauseous.. I over-think things.. I basically freak the fuck out.. This ALL happens before I actually use my brain to stop and think what the best solution may be. (Just so you can get a better understanding of me) I started noticing that I actually do all of that and I started to change… Lately I’ve been doing a lot of repair work on me. Just to better myself for me.

I don’t really like love.. Or maybe I just don’t like the way I love.. My last relationship makes me feel like I did so much wrong.. Like there was so much wrong doing on my end.. Like everything was my fault. I tried romance.. I like romance.. Anyone I’ve ever dated will tell you I’m a hopeless romantic.. Flowers.. Suprises.. I like to keep the thought and dreams that fairy tales can exist (because the world is so fucked up and cruel) it’s refreshing to me to come back to someone and give them whatever they need to pick themselves up at the end of a shitty day.. Life can give you the shitty reality, but I would like to take you somewhere else with me. I’m one of those type of lovers that if you enjoy it.. and if you allow me too I can be smothering.. (I noticed this also and I’ve changed with practice and thoughts.. all apart of preparing myself for a better me)

Love & Pain.. mixes.. even when you don’t want them to.. Sooner or later it happens.. Relationships can only last or stick around longer when both partners are comfortable with eachother and know eachother to the point where they know how to deal with those situations. Love & Pain.. really go hand and hand in my perspective.. Real Love is painful and I’m not even talking about relationship love, I’m talking about family love.. Every family I know there are constant battles in which the family has to over-come.. When friendships are tested.. Loving yourself but hating things about you. Nothing is easy, nothing is simple.. There’s no step-by-step on how to handle things.

I apologize but I’m also forgiving.. I really try to understand everything from both ends to make them meet. I never understood how someone who doesn’t feel the same way I do about them.. Made the same habits I made.. Was that my doing? Was that your doing? Or are we both trying to force ourselves to believe something that is untrue.

I accepted things as they are.. I started dating, got comfortable with that.. Got asked out.. Jumped into that (because everyone wants to feel wanted right?) Got too much for me.. Jumped out of it today.. Realized what damage I could have caused if she had fallen too fast meanwhile I’m still putting my puzzle pieces of me back together.. She understood and we remain friends.. 

I know the feeling of craving sex.. hormones raging or even the feeling of replacing someone you wish you never fell for.. But there are toys.. There are other ways to deal and coupe.. It’s really important to work on yourself before you let anyone come into your life to sample you.

Sometimes I really do feel alone when it comes to this topic.. But somedays I don’t, I have a friend who is hurt.. I follow a few people on here that are currently dealing with what I’m dealing with.. 

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have any answers. I’m living, creating, succeeding, and learning how to understand love

“I miss you” they say 

Girls that I’ve been dating these past couple of months..

“wassup” I reply

I don’t want to lie.. I have once and it’s a feeling that makes my stomach turn. It makes me not even want to be in that persons presence because of my guilt I won’t even want to look at their face. I’m not going to lie to myself or to a woman with a pretty face.

“I miss you a lot” I type..

I finally know what that feeling is like. To miss someone to the point that you feel sick. All you want to do is be in that persons presence. Feel their touch, and warm body next to yours.

No reply.. I get

It’s something that I toss and turn throughout the night. It keeps me awake. It makes me uncomfortable. I’ve said things.. I meant differently.

Maybe it’s time I express myself the way I really do feel… Or maybe it’s too late and it doesn’t matter what I say or what my action can prove.

// Tumblr = eHarmony//

Tumblr has turned into eHarmony.

Hear me out… it’s a place where people express themselves (but we forget it’s the internet so they can portray any personality they please) and talk about things that they don’t usually express to the real world. Therefore they get to know people a little bit better as to, if they were to meet them on the streets. Now that you can link tumblr to facebook/twitter all Thirst people are on here. Someone just hand them a glass of water. It’s become a social networking for dating. 

I guess it’s cool, just not really my thing. lol I started thinkig about this when this girl and I on here started talking about notes, and thirsty people begging for attention and some sort of companionship on Tumblr. It’s not so much on my dash anymore because I chose to unfollow them.