// My process of Love//

Maybe sharing this will help someone else out..

Anyone who knows me.. and I mean really knows me.. will say that I’m a chill person with a laid back personality who people just like to be around.. These people who really know me are my friends and there are those who can agree who might have just met me once.. Anyone of my ex’s except the one I had a falling out with can honestly say “Jasmine is a really sweet person, she was nothing but good to me, and did anything she could to keep me happy” … Now guys.. I have A LOT to give. I am also human.. (You’re human??!??) Yes I’m fucking human..(I know being human sucks) When someone I love decides to give up on me and I didn’t give up on them.. Especially when my heart is involved because not only are you playing around with me.. You’re also playing around with my heart.. Something that I don’t offer everyone, something that I don’t share with everyone, and the most valuable thing I can offer you…

When I’m put in a situation I’m unfamiliar with.. I panic.. I become nervous.. I become nauseous.. I over-think things.. I basically freak the fuck out.. This ALL happens before I actually use my brain to stop and think what the best solution may be. (Just so you can get a better understanding of me) I started noticing that I actually do all of that and I started to change… Lately I’ve been doing a lot of repair work on me. Just to better myself for me.

I don’t really like love.. Or maybe I just don’t like the way I love.. My last relationship makes me feel like I did so much wrong.. Like there was so much wrong doing on my end.. Like everything was my fault. I tried romance.. I like romance.. Anyone I’ve ever dated will tell you I’m a hopeless romantic.. Flowers.. Suprises.. I like to keep the thought and dreams that fairy tales can exist (because the world is so fucked up and cruel) it’s refreshing to me to come back to someone and give them whatever they need to pick themselves up at the end of a shitty day.. Life can give you the shitty reality, but I would like to take you somewhere else with me. I’m one of those type of lovers that if you enjoy it.. and if you allow me too I can be smothering.. (I noticed this also and I’ve changed with practice and thoughts.. all apart of preparing myself for a better me)

Love & Pain.. mixes.. even when you don’t want them to.. Sooner or later it happens.. Relationships can only last or stick around longer when both partners are comfortable with eachother and know eachother to the point where they know how to deal with those situations. Love & Pain.. really go hand and hand in my perspective.. Real Love is painful and I’m not even talking about relationship love, I’m talking about family love.. Every family I know there are constant battles in which the family has to over-come.. When friendships are tested.. Loving yourself but hating things about you. Nothing is easy, nothing is simple.. There’s no step-by-step on how to handle things.

I apologize but I’m also forgiving.. I really try to understand everything from both ends to make them meet. I never understood how someone who doesn’t feel the same way I do about them.. Made the same habits I made.. Was that my doing? Was that your doing? Or are we both trying to force ourselves to believe something that is untrue.

I accepted things as they are.. I started dating, got comfortable with that.. Got asked out.. Jumped into that (because everyone wants to feel wanted right?) Got too much for me.. Jumped out of it today.. Realized what damage I could have caused if she had fallen too fast meanwhile I’m still putting my puzzle pieces of me back together.. She understood and we remain friends.. 

I know the feeling of craving sex.. hormones raging or even the feeling of replacing someone you wish you never fell for.. But there are toys.. There are other ways to deal and coupe.. It’s really important to work on yourself before you let anyone come into your life to sample you.

Sometimes I really do feel alone when it comes to this topic.. But somedays I don’t, I have a friend who is hurt.. I follow a few people on here that are currently dealing with what I’m dealing with.. 

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have any answers. I’m living, creating, succeeding, and learning how to understand love

// update.//

Beyonce and Jay-Z birthed a girl last night and named her Blue Ivy Carter..

Now that we got that out the way because everyone and their mom thinks that Beyonce birthing a child is top news in the world.

I’ve been attending meetings and trade shows just to check out some brands for inspirations. I had a great time at Agenda there were so many people there, I really can’t wait until MAGIC again in Vegas that’ll be a hot trade show also.

I’m not ready for a relationship, I know this because I know how I feel. I’m trying my hardest to just ignore this feeling of craving someone else because well if it was ever going to happen it would’ve happened or circumstances would have at least changed up. Me and my girlfriend.. we don’t argue (like at all, and that doesn’t feel real to me at all, I mean but its still fresh)  everything is all good, she can communicate with me openly and not feel threatened, we can chill together, she laughs at my corny jokes, and she reminds me again and again to just take a chance with her and grow… I don’t know, I guess I’ll keep lying to myself until I believe that I am ready for a new relationship.

Meantime I’m leaving to New York to fly to Dominican Republic. I have 2 interviews that I was invited to 1 being from Complex magazine that I’ll meet with in NY and the other for this street wear brand thats based in Santo Domingo. Being a young designer, networking at a young age, and just meeting people from all over has opened so many opportunities for me. I won’t say I’m lucky.. because I work hard, I do things a certain way just to get to where I want to be.

Time is ticking I’m kinda depressed I’m leaving LA, I mean I’ll be back sometimes to visit but NY weather right now is LAs cold. It’s been late 70s early 80s for the past couple of weeks. When I get back from DR this Friday I’ll be going to Disneyland with a few of my friends and this girl I was dating not to long ago.. it should be fun, we’re renting a room and everything there.

Oh and if anyone who follows me is from Dominican Republic or has been before, can you give me some info on what to do for the nightlife? I know the beaches are incredible, I’ll be posting on Instagram everywhere I go and eat. lol

// 11.19.11//

I’ve had a productive day. I’m excited to go to Nike Campus because “The Kitchen” has anything I need to create, and it’s all given to me. Can’t wait for that to be my second home.

I’m happy to be in the position I’m in. I do think I’m good on dating for a while.. Just not feeling it much.. it’s a waste of time because I already know what I want.. I guess it’s just about patience. In the mean time I’ll be focusing my time on my career.

I’m going out.. I haven’t worn anything polo in a while because of the hype but tonight I’m wearing a vintage polo shirt, undefeated puma clydes, and that stupid polo leather-back.

Oh!! and if anyone I follow or follows me lives in NY please contact me if you know of a co-ed basketball league out there. I’ll have a lot of time since i’m not working a 9 to 5 anymore (yay) it’ll be a good way for me to meet new people, to play ball, and to stay active while I’m out there.

“I miss you” they say 

Girls that I’ve been dating these past couple of months..

“wassup” I reply

I don’t want to lie.. I have once and it’s a feeling that makes my stomach turn. It makes me not even want to be in that persons presence because of my guilt I won’t even want to look at their face. I’m not going to lie to myself or to a woman with a pretty face.

“I miss you a lot” I type..

I finally know what that feeling is like. To miss someone to the point that you feel sick. All you want to do is be in that persons presence. Feel their touch, and warm body next to yours.

No reply.. I get

It’s something that I toss and turn throughout the night. It keeps me awake. It makes me uncomfortable. I’ve said things.. I meant differently.

Maybe it’s time I express myself the way I really do feel… Or maybe it’s too late and it doesn’t matter what I say or what my action can prove.

// 11.17.11//

Just found out I won’t be having a Thanksgiving this year.. Which is depressing but I have to remember there’s still christmas for family events. NY is literally less than a month away. 

I made the day bright for some people because it was nice outside, I threw on a color I rarely ever wear…

bbc ice cream crewneck (06’ circa) and a pair of Air Max 1’s

My mom makes me feel like I don’t splurge enough or maybe that she spends irresponsibly lol not really sure. I have a double date tomorrow with someone I’m really, really NOT looking forward to being around. But I’m being nice because my friend wants to date her friend -_- 

I got the dream job. 

Now I just have to create some short term goals because my long term goals were for me to complete when I’m somewhere in my late 20s.

I feel like saying.. “I did it.. I’m that nigga” lol seems appropiate

11.3.11 was a great day. I got the news of my life, I chilled with some friends that I havent kicked it with in a minute, chilled with wife, went out to a bar/club and had some fun. Read all of my congrats text, messages, tumblr etc.. I’m extremely happy and nothing can break this feeling..

It’s raining today (rarely rains in Los Angeles) which probably explains my emotions this morning. I’m lonely because I choose not to be with anyone but who I want, I’m a bit sad because.. well ya know’.. I’m a little stresed because I have to go to Nike Campus next week and I would like to sketch out some ideas for a womens fall line just to show that im versatile.. or maybe I’m stressing too much already and I should just enjoy the opportunity.

I have a date tonight.. I’ve known the girl for a long time but we never really talked, she asked me out a few days ago and I accepted so I’m not really sure what we’ll be doing but I’m sure it will be cool. I hope we go to the movies to go see Tower Heist because I wanna see that movie, and I can possibly nap without seeming rude if it’s boring lol. I kind of want to stay home and sketch and enjoy the sound of the rain.. But I already accepted.

A friend of mine last night said “Jas are you being a hoe?” pretty much hinting because I go on dates that I’m being a hoe. But in all honesty, I make it clear that I’m still heartbroken, I go out because my friends say it’s the right thing to do and to be social.. I guess. I also make it clear that I go on dates with different girls. I certainly don’t sit on the phone all hours of the night talking to these women I date, I most certainly don’t text them much throughout the day either. 

Tomorrow is the Branded Art Exhibit I am involved in, I encourage all who live in Southern California to come out and support and check it all out. Samantha Ronson will be dj, Artist (all different form of art) from all different parts of the world will be at this event, and about 11 very well-known artist. You can check out the flyer here on Hypebeast. Red carpet event (feel free to dress casual)

Current thought- There’s just not enough time in the day, give me 32 hours and watch what I’ll do with it.

At least if it is accepted it can be some good out of it. Positives I won’t be going, I won’t feel as bad as I did last December and atleast I showed some effort put forward moving on, and that I’m not a bad person. Hopefully the trip will be made, and Italy can be enjoyed.